Thinking About Yann Moix and What He and, No Doubt, Other Men His Age Are Incapable of…

I recently wrote this on my Facebook page called Inventing Maria McCabe Official: 

This is a response to the recent stories in the media concerning Yann Moix’s comment in an interview in which he said he was, “incapable” of loving women over 50, and that they were “invisible” to him, and then going on to say that he prefers women in their 20’s and Asian women. This guy is now all over social media and everyone is ripping him to shreds. Deservedly, perhaps…? Not sure. I can’t help but think he does have a right to his opinion. Artists, classically speaking, focus on painting, sculptors sculpt young smooth body parts, photographers focus on shooting perfect young female bodies. Rare is the Rubens that depicts the rounder more plump subject and far far less frequently a ‘woman of a certain age’. This guy’s words have struck a cord with me because I am nearing 50 and maybe a bit in shock about this fact because I don’t think I look or feel that age whatever my mind imagines that age to be.  depicts the rounder more plump subject and far far less frequently a ‘woman of a certain age’. This guy’s words have struck a cord with me because I am nearing 50 and maybe a bit in shock about this fact because I don’t think I look or feel that age whatever my mind imagines that age to be. Also being single isn’t helping- I am fully aware that men in my dating pool simply want something younger, less accomplished and quite frankly I’ve given up on romance and partnership almost by force the way time and circumstance has robbed me of the opportunity to have a child. I’m the first one to encourage my friends and people I admire to embrace their age ‘40 is the new 30’ ‘50 is the new 40’ but the truth is, that it’s not! 50 is 50. Believe me I embrace my experience in life and my profession and with the relationships I’ve had. There’s a wisdom that comes with age. I can accomplish anything I want at this age! Start a business, take on a new degree, move to a new country… but I can’t have a baby anymore and I can’t change the opinion of men like this guy… I’m convinced he’s not alone in his thinking. I’ve done and continue doing ‘the work’ of understanding myself as a spiritual being having a physical experience. I know what Moix says about women’s bodies isn’t true in every circumstance and I’m all for body positivity at any age, but I think it boils down to the fact that what he said is hurtful and offensive to women 50 and over.
I’m getting really tired of the way people are responding to him- and others who say things that cause us to cringe a little- the clever similes the extravagant or even base name calling – it’s the kind of language that, in my mind, negates the whole argument. It’s the kind of thing people do consistently whenever Trump tweets or appears on T.V. Which is to immediately revert to childish name calling and insults about his physical appearance. This is unkind and shows very poor debating skills! Let’s look at the situation, address what makes us so upset and try to address that directly. With intelligence. I have so much more to stay about this. I might start blogging again… HuffPost HuffPost Women Marie Claire The Independent The Guardian Jezebel The New York Times

Let’s begin again…

Fabergé Organics Shampoo and a Bit of Shameless Self-Promotion

It’s the Fabergé Organics Shampoo principle:  I tell two friends, then they’ll tell two friends and so on, and so on….Being a child of the ’70’s I grew up watching commercials like this: 

I mean, this is marketing genius!  A modestly dressed woman with shiny long brown hair and friendly smile speaking to me as though she were my friend.  She tells me about this great shampoo, then asks me to tell just two other friends.  It’s shampoo, for chrissakes. They just want you to make sure you buy the right one – the original – and that you tell people about it so they’ll buy more of it.  Perfect.

So now, ignore my hair and yours.  Go tell two friends about this blog, and they’ll tell two friends, and so on, and so on, and so on….

Or, you could just go buy the shampoo.  I hear it’s still available somewhere.

Why Begin A New Blog?

The Thinking Woman,

So I have this other blog, Speaking of Art, which was originally intended to be a serious accounting of art and the effect it’s had on my life.  I had the best most focused intentions when I started it one winter’s night in Amsterdam.  After yet another art event, I realized the thread that wove me together all these years of life was my love for art and my need for it in my life.  I began writing out of the frustration, really,  of not being able to create art, though I tried with lessons and self experimentation.  However, as things often happen with me, my plans went awry and that blog started to become something else.  I felt obligated to focus on art, my deepest passion, and tried too hard which resulted in articles with many holes in them.  I could have said so much more, written about so many more events and pieces that were creeping into my vision but I simply could not write with any authority on the subject.  My writing was such shit, that I could barely read the pieces back.  Yet I knew I had something to say.  My thoughts became muddled and I could not find a way to express what I felt I could if given time and proper conditions.   I might one day be able to, so I am keeping that blog open and hopefully I will be able to return to it.

What I have only just come to realize in this my forty-fourth year of life – is that the one thing I am a mild expert at – is me.  Those of you who are close to me know that I have spent a lot of time talking about myself and my experiences.  I’ve had a nasty habit of rehashing all the events in my life to anyone who would listen.  Not because I think they wanted to hear me talk, but because I felt the need to verbally, out loud reconsider those events.  My very closest friend Dawn once said to me in a heated exchange, that she found me exhausting.  She said I gave too much of myself away.  To friends.  To men.  To “anyone who would listen”.  She was right, so I listened.  Carefully.  I listened so carefully and closely to her that I silently began a very serious re-examination of why I did what I did.

Dawn and I went a long stretch without communicating after that exchange.  This was not unusual for us.  We would go a few months without contact, then reconnect as though no time had passed.  This time the disconnect was different.  It was important for me to hear her blaring silence and to continuously self-examine.  It’s as though I had been in a year long state of meditation.  My life looked the same on the outside.  I worked, went out with friends, and lived my life.  I just didn’t have her there to talk to for hours, and I mean hours, on the phone.   To this day she s the only person I can call and have a phone conversation that lasts three, four sometimes five hours.  I missed her greatly during this period especially.  You see, she is the one person that knows me possibly better than I know myself.  She says, famously, that I am her ego, her id.  The truth is she is my superego and most honest sounding board.  She knows when to tell me what I need to hear and when I need to hear it.  I’ve been very blessed to find this level of friendship with her.  That word seems to weak, and soulmate sounds a bit cheesy but perhaps in this case “soulmates” is fitting.  By the time communication resumed I knew I had to tell her immediately that I had taken her comments very seriously.  There was no defense I could conjure up.  I simply had to tell the truth.

I realized I was living on a self-absorbed, too-much-in-my-own-head state.   I was critical of myself to the point that I would nearly beg others for negative reinforcement.  I had such a weak view of who I was, while pretending to be very confident and self assured.  Just writing about this now is making me wince at my own memory.  Not attractive.  I know, but this is the truth as I see it.

I’m always asking key questions for the purpose of self improvement.  Why did events happen in my life?  What was my role/responsibility?  What does that mean about me here and now?  What can I learn from this?  How can I create something better?  I have probably done this because somewhere deep inside me I have always known that I was destined for greatness.  My mistake was in thinking that greatness might find me.  I now realize I must find greatness and claim it as my own.  It has taken years, but that knowledge has crept up inside of me and has risen to a level where I can look at it, turn it around and realize it.  Realize the greatness I can have.  Not my potential but my greatness. Greatness.  MY GREATNESS.

So, the question arises again, why a new blog?  Well, recent events in my life have made the fact that I am not getting any younger abundantly clear.  I have always had the sensation that this greatness would be mine later or one day but the time has now come.  I recognize that events in my life are extra-ordinary and I have lived quite a life so far.  I do feel this life is worth remembering, so the new blog is a way to tell my stories so they will be remembered.  I suppose, as with anything, I hope people will connect, learn and reflect on these stories.  After all, we all want to be heard, accepted and understood.  Oh yes, and loved.